In defense of empathy

When human beings are isolated, we go mad. There is a reason why Amnesty regard solitary isolation as a form of torture. It is not just in prison this happens, it is everywhere, even if it is something we choose for ourselves. When we are isolated from our fellow humans, we get unstuck from our shared humanity. It is easy to get lost in your own mind, you need feedback, reflections. In short, empathy.

To live as close together as we do, you need empathy, in both senses. Without it, every day would be a constant struggle against strangers. If you do not have some amount of understanding, of trust, in your fellow humans, you would live every day in fear.

We could not have taken the jump from hunter/gather to city-living without empathy. I do not know the validity of Dunbar’s number, but it does seem to relate to the size of tribes. We can relate to about 150 people, beyond that, everyone is a stranger. So, in order to live in larger societies than that, we need to have some amount of trust that they will not hurt us (and vice-versa). We can only achieve that trust by having some understanding that these strangers are just like us. To understand how they think, how they feel and see that it is not that different to us. I think, therefore I am, but I feel, therefore I can understand & live with you.

This understanding and acceptance of other humans is often based on having an in-group, in opposition to the out-group. This is how we started building community, society. But the interesting thing is that the in-group can be expanded. When we wandered the plains, the circle was small, only encompassing our tribe. The name of the tribe was quite often “human”, others were not included. As time went on, the in-group got larger & larger, to encompass people that spoke the same language as us, who lived in the same area, who worshiped the same gods as us. One day it even started to include non-humans and we could start to see humanity in animals, like cats, dogs, cows & whales. We started to have empathy for all feeling beings.

From the beginning of this process there were parasites, who discovered that they could manipulate this system to get more than their fair share of resources. Sociopaths. So societies came up with defense mechanisms, like religion & laws. We started to get rules, like do not kill, do not cheat, steal, consume more than what is available. As time went on, we forgot why these rules were instituted and they became corrupted by sociopathic thinking and eventually that system failed. I do not have any proof of this, but it is my firm belief that all societies fall because of this (unless conquered or destroyed by outside forces). When we start to loose sight of the humanity in our fellow citizens, we forget why we are in community. Why should I care about others, if they don’t care about me? If everyone is only looking out for number one, then that society can only hold one person.